do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
