One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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