It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
