I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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