I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
