I look better un-naked...
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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