i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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