Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
