# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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