He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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