420 ftw
I cut my penus on the lid.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
