Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
