Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
