New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
