wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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