great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I think I won the penis lottery.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
