Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
