You made me cry and you don't even care
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
