The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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