drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
