TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
