It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
