PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
