My hair reeks of homosexuality.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
