i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
