Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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