porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
