There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
