i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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