the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
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