I wish I only lived at night.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
