thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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