He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
