I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
