she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
