Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
