I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
