And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
