And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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