We're like a lot better than the average bears
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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