I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He shit in the fireplace
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
