Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
