never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
