i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
