why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
