we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
