Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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