I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
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