did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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