god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
