she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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