i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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