so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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