Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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