I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Please don't give away my fajitas
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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