hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Randomize
