whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
